Only in America

Losing My Faith…

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 01:00:22 -0400

I can’t remember exactly how old I was, or what grade of school I was in. but I know for a fact it was before 3rd grade, because that was when I started going to public school. But regardless of how young I was, I still have some very distinct memories of my time attending St. Mary’s Catholic Primary School, in North Attleboro, Massachusetts. Attending catholic school wasn’t all as bad as movies and tv make it out to be. My classmates were nice, and I had a ton of friends from all over the place, as the school took students from 14 different towns. I wasn’t taught by nuns attempting to put the fear of rapture in the minds of young children, we had normal everyday teachers who were on the payroll of the church. Even at that young age I had begun to question the value of religion, and the dogmatic practices of the catholic church. The things they taught us to do for the church, never lined up with the message of god they tried to instill into us as school children, and growing up and experiencing the world in all its infinite misery, has only come to confirm these early suspicions of the fallibility of dogmatic religion.

By no means am I an atheist, I believe whole heartedly that there is a god above, a higher power responsible for the creation of this vastly wonderful universe. But a part of me can’t help but wonder if humanity was an accident, an evolutionary fluke. No amount of science can explain what caused those first few cells in the ocean to develop the spark of intelligent life, and I choose to believe that it was supernatural interference which started us on the road to evolution. Saying such, I refuse to believe that god created humanity in his vision. We are a violent species, self degrading, and derogatory to our own existence. I have never witnessed any miracles in my own life to assert this purported truth of biblical dogma.

A large part of me is unwilling to even accept that the miracles of Christ in the new testament are even possibly true. It is human nature to explain the unexplainable with mythology. We try and quantify every aspect of our existence, to give us reason and purpose. And where science and technology fail to explain something, the human mind fabricates an answer of awesome proportions. Just look at your own childhood to realize the truth behind this claim. When you were young, when you lost a milk tooth, you would put it under your bed from the suggestion of your parents. And when the tooth was gone in the morning, your feeble mind was unable to fathom how it could have turned into a dollar. The only explanation that made sense, was what your parents told you was the truth, that the magical tooth fairy took it from you. Children are the most easily manipulated minds in existence. We were innocent, fresh, open to new ideas, accepting of everything we were told as the truth. It wasn’t until we began learning about basic science in elementary school that we began to doubt these claims of magic and mythology. The basic sciences we learned in those early years of schooling, would have been considered groundbreaking scientific and technologic advances back in the time the bible was written. All people back then, were as open to suggestion as our children are today. One simple act of natural science they couldn’t explain was construed as a miracle, and an entire faith system was based around the word of the man that purported said miracle.

I’m not saying that faith is bad by any means. I believe faith is a wonderful thing, I just think people shouldn’t put so much stock in a book. People shouldn’t make their faith a guiding factor for every decision in their lives. Reason and rationale should hold a valid precipice in any balancing act of a decision. And that’s just how I feel about it.

But this story isn’t supposed to be about my views on faith, it’s about the ultimate reason I let go of my own. The one thing we were taught as early as kindergarten in that catholic school was love. That the only two unfaltering forces in the universe were gods love for us, and a parents love for their children. We were taught that god made humanity in his vision, and that he was all forgiving and all loving, and that as a result, our parents would always treat us with love, respect, and acceptance no matter what. I was 6 years old when I began learning this, and 15 years, and several therapists later, I’ve come to realize that it was my mothers love that caused me to lose my faith. And I can boil it all down to one moment in my past where everything began to hit me. It wasn’t when my father left. It wasn’t when my mother remarried. It wasn’t when my father remarried. It wasn’t when my best friend died in a freak accident. It wasn’t when another close friend took his own life after high school. No, it was just a normal night at home with my mother, and my younger sister and brother.

I can’t remember exactly how old I was, as I said before, but it was while I was still at catholic school. My family was better off than most. We lived in a huge house, that a friend of my mothers gave to her for free when he moved back to Holland. My mother worked as a regional manager for a large department store, and made very good money. We saw our father every weekend, as long as my mother couldn’t find a reason to keep us from him, and she tried. And we were happy. That was the last time I can honestly remember being happy at home.

We got off the bus to go home around 3:30 in the afternoon, and myself and my younger siblings would walk home from the bus stop, and watch tv and do our homework until our mother came home from work around 6 or 7, sometimes 8 at night. We were always alone. One night, she came home a little bit later than normal, and I was at the table trying to work on some homework that I didn’t quite understand, mind you I was only in about 3rd grade at this point. She came home in an exceptionally bad mood, which was unusual, and got upset that we were still awake. While she was screaming at my younger siblings for watching tv past what they new to be their normal bed time on a school night, I sat there at the table just watching. After getting rid of them, she came back to me in the dining room, grabbed me by the hair and tossed me across the room into the living room. She then proceeded to continue dragging me around the house, screaming about how stupid and retarded I was. Because I couldn’t finish my homework alone. Telling me I was going to fail at life. After about an hour of it, some of the furniture in the house was broken, and I had stinging pains all through my right arm. The next day at school nobody asked any questions, though it was clear that everyone noticed the bruises and blood. The day after that, my father came to pick me up, and asked about the bruises, my mother told him that I had fallen down the stairs the night before.

I don’t think my father believed a word my mother said, but he brought me to the hospital, where I got x-rays done, stitches in a few places, and a cast for my broken elbow and wrist. I never told anyone the truth about what happened that night. My sister knows, but we never talked about it. I never told my father the true story of how I fell down the stairs. I never told any of the therapists I saw throughout high school, and I never wrote anything about it until now. It pains me to think back as far as I can remember, and that night being the strongest memory I have. I can’t clearly remember anything before that, and the rest of those years are a haze to me.

That memory there, is the defining moment where I can claim to have lost my faith. When I realized what I had been taught about a parents unfaltering love was a lie. Nothing the priest at school ever said to me could convince me otherwise. And nothing that happened later in my life ever did anything but confirm my suspicions that god had left us on our own, and we were destroying ourselves with every day we lived. Humanity has no higher purpose. We are an accident. We are a farce of faith itself. We do not love, not like we are supposed to anyways. And it is this disgrace of a fallibility that is me, that has convinced me to permanently let go of my faith. This wasn’t the worst episode, and it wasn’t the last, but it is the strongest in my memory, and it has had significant influence in the shaping of my life. The rampant chronic depression, the suicide attempts, the self inflicted exile from society, the loneliness, the inability to cope with change, and a general distaste of authority figures in my life, and a distrust of everyone, and my lack of faith- all stem back to this one instance. No mothers love should break hearts, much less bones.

This is my story, this is my admission of fear. This is my wanting change, this is my desperation. This is my plea for help, this is the truth. This is, The Dishonest Truth…

I just sent Tori a 1,120 character text… pouring my heart out to her, telling her how much I miss...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 17:02:02 -0400

I just sent Tori a 1,120 character text… pouring my heart out to her, telling her how much I miss her, and how much I love her.

I had much more to say- but my phone wouldn’t let me…

I miss cooking for you while you watch the bruins. I miss our random walks on the beach at sunset. I miss our lazy days just watching movies together on my couch. I miss your laugh, your smile, the smell of your hair. I miss having you next to me. I love you, and I want you to be part of my life for as long as I live it. I hate this distance coming between us, and I just want to put it in the past, and be happy with you. Today’s our anniversary, and we should be together, happy, more in love than ever. not like this. and it’s killing me. i haven’t been able to think of anything else all day. I’ve spent all day trying to think of how to say what i’m saying- but no matter what it all boils down to just three words- I Love You. and that’s enough for me to be willing to go to hell and back to keep our relationship together, because you mean the world to me and I never want to lose you. especially over something so trivial as distance and both of us trying to focus on school. I refuse to believe that we’re not strong enough for this.

so she finally texted me back, 5 hours later, at 4 am when I was passed out…

I love you too. And I miss all those things, but honestly I feel like this time apart is the right thing for now. And I’m a little overwhelmed with the text you sent me but it means a lot that you care.

I really have no idea what to say back. hell it took me almost an hour to type up that first message. but what more can I say to her? that she’s wrong? that time apart isn’t the answer? but i can’t quantify it with anything other than the fact that i’m dying more and more every day i’m not with her. I have no idea what will make things better- I just know that time apart isn’t it….

and I have no idea what to say to her about it….

I just sent Tori a 1,120 character text… pouring my heart out to her, telling her how much I miss...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 12:55:31 -0400

I just sent Tori a 1,120 character text… pouring my heart out to her, telling her how much I miss her, and how much I love her.

I had much more to say- but my phone wouldn’t let me…

I miss cooking for you while you watch the bruins. I miss our random walks on the beach at sunset. I miss our lazy days just watching movies together on my couch. I miss your laugh, your smile, the smell of your hair. I miss having you next to me. I love you, and I want you to be part of my life for as long as I live it. I hate this distance coming between us, and I just want to put it in the past, and be happy with you. Today’s our anniversary, and we should be together, happy, more in love than ever. not like this. and it’s killing me. i haven’t been able to think of anything else all day. I’ve spent all day trying to think of how to say what i’m saying- but no matter what it all boils down to just three words- I Love You. and that’s enough for me to be willing to go to hell and back to keep our relationship together, because you mean the world to me and I never want to lose you. especially over something so trivial as distance and both of us trying to focus on school. I refuse to believe that we’re not strong enough for this.

so she finally texted me back, 5 hours later, at 4 am when I was passed out…

I love you too. And I miss all those things, but honestly I feel like this time apart is the right thing for now. And I’m a little overwhelmed with the text you sent me but it means a lot that you care.

and I have no idea what to say to her about it….

eat-sleep-row-repeat: alwayschasingsafety: ripjohngarvey: I...

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 21:27:07 -0400

eat-sleep-row-repeat:

alwayschasingsafety:

ripjohngarvey:

I designed these bumper stickers to memorialize the memory of one of my closest friends.
I was only able to order a limited amount of them, because they cost about $5 each to make.

I will be giving them away for free to those who knew and cared about John, and I wouldn’t want to take money from anyone for them. Unfortunately, I just can’t afford to order any more by myself. I’m asking for donations, and there will be a link on my Page where you could donate if you so chose.

Anyone who donates, I will mail a bumper sticker too, and all the money raised will be used to order more of the stickers- nothing else.

And any size donation will be accepted- from $1 to whatever you feel like you want to give. But regardless of whatever you do donate- it will be much appreciated.

Clicking this link will also bring you to the donation site

Please donate!

I would greatly appreciate some reblogs, and maybe a handful of donations, i’m sure the vast amount of people on tumblr can find it in their hearts to donate their clicking fingers to an actual worthwhile cause.

reblogging a picture will never make a difference- but spreading the word of charity and scholarship, and donating to help a grief stricken mother- will change more than you can imagine.

this guy's a genius

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 16:38:56 -0400

this guy's a genius:

alwayschasingsafety:

now let me tell you why this is bullshit…

We nuked Japan twice- to end a war with a means other than invading the Japanese home islands- which would have resulted in far more casualties, on both sides, than the nukes caused. The war we were trying to end was one caused by Japanese aggression when they launched a surprise attack on America- a neutral country at the time. 911 was another surprise attack by an unprompted aggressor resulting in massive civilian casualties with no military provocation. i’ll bitch about it all i want…

The US government has made no move to “save the starving children in Africa” and certainly not made any moves motivated by oil disguised as humanitarian efforts in Africa. in fact, the US government couldn’t give a flying fuck about the starving children in africa, even if we needed their oil… but really, it’s only the stupid useless hipsters on the internet who’re 5 years behind on something for once- and really wanted something to complain about on the internet… don’t think i’m right? then check out this video

let’s see, this one’s tricky… never thought i’d jump up on this bandwagon buuut- WE GOT A BLACK PRESIDENT WE GOT A BLACK PRESIDENT nanner nanner poo poo!!! but in all seriousness- without slavery, the southern agriculture economy would have never expanded to it’s prominence and peak before the civil war- which was one of the key elements in the United States’s economic viability as a fledgling nation in a colonial world. also- slavery was a commonly accepted socio-political aspect in american society. and besides, black slavery wasn’t a white man’s creation- the white man bought african slaves from african slave owners in africa… and as for blaming black people for our problems- only some of them… watch this video for further explanation

world peace is nothing but the ever present wish of Miss America contestants- it’s never going to become a reality, and the simple fact is that a vast and sizable portion of the worlds economy is profited directly from armed conflict and war- and Americans don’t like being poor… and we tore apart the arab world? we did? are you sure? are you sure we’re talking about the same arab world that’s been racked by centuries of ideological warfare and political infighting? the same arab world which spawned Islamic extremists that decided killing 3,000 innocent American civilians was a good way to get into heaven? i’m not even gonna argue this one with a video response- let’s just say that it’s my personal opinion that we should level the entire middle east with a nuclear carpet bomb…

i don’t know who ever claimed that America never fought a war on her own soil? but both of those examples are terrible… the only engagements within the United States territory in the War of 1812 took place in DC and New Orleans- neither of which were states, or considered sovereign territory at the time- simply territorial possessions of the US. And the Alamo was an engagement fought in the Texas War for independence- between the Republic of Texas(prior to Texas voluntarily joining the union) and Mexico. technically the United States was never a belligerent in the conflict, and the succeeding conflict- the Mexican-American war was fought entirely on Mexican soil. if i wanted to get technical and include territories as battles fought on our own soil- then you’d have to include not only the War of 1812, but the Spanish-American War, the Phillipine Insurrection, The Civil War, World War 1 (there were several Mexican incursions into Texas on the order of the German kaiser), the bleeding Kansas war, the Indian wars, oh and the big one, World War 2, you remember when Hawaii was attacked? Alaska was invaded? and American territories in the pacific were conquered by the Japanese? forcing us to drop a nuke to end the war? or need i re explain that. i’m too tired to think of any more…

OK, let me just say, America has never once fought a war against Canada, so how could we have lost one to them? i believe you may be referring to the oft forgotten border dispute which was known in Maine and New Brunswick as the Aroostook War? if so- you’re fucking retarded. it wasn’t a war. there was a long standing dispute over agriculture/lumber rights in the area, and almost escalated into hostilities when the territorial government of Maine raised it’s own militia to settle the issue. Fortunately a US Army Officer led a contingent of troops into the area and settled the matter by reinforcing to both sides that they respect the border as set forth by the King of the Netherlands when he arbitrated the treaties of surrender between America and England after the Revolutionary war. this event is often celebrated in the region now, on both sides of the border every year as an international celebration of “good sense” and there was no war fought, so your point is rendered invalid.

and that’s all i have to say about that. and since this took considerable mental will power to argue through- i’m counting this as a rant against ignorance on the internet- and the stupidity of anti american bloggers not knowing their shit. so please- also count this as my unpopular opinion of the day.

oh, and if you think you have an opinion? it goes here…

A message to America, rise up and defend yourselves....

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 20:34:19 -0500

A message to America, rise up and defend yourselves....:

victran:

alwayschasingsafety:

Dear brothers and sisters. Now is the time to open your eyes!

In a stunning move that has civil libertarians stuttering with disbelief, the U.S. Senate has just passed a bill that effectively ends the Bill of Rights in America.

The National Defense Authorization Act is being called the most traitorous act ever witnessed in the Senate, and the language of the bill is cleverly designed to make you think it doesn’t apply to Americans, but toward the end of the bill, it essentially says it can apply to Americans “if we want it to.

Bill Summary & Status, 112th Congress (2011 — 2012) | S.1867 | Latest Title: National Defense Authorization Act for.

This bill, passed in a 93-7 vote, declares the entire USA to be a “battleground” upon which U.S. military forces can operate with impunity, overriding Posse Comitatus and granting the military the unchecked power to arrest, detain, interrogate and even assassinate U.S. citizens with impunity.

Even WIRED magazine was outraged at this bill, reporting:

Senate Wants the Military to Lock You Up Without Trial

…the detention mandate to use indefinite military detention in terrorism cases isn’t limited to foreigners. It’s confusing, because two different sections of the bill seem to contradict each other, but in the judgment of the University of Texas’ Robert Chesney — a nonpartisan authority on military detention — “U.S. citizens are included in the grant of detention authority.”

The passage of this law is nothing less than an outright declaration of WAR against the American People by the military-connected power elite. If this is signed into law, it will shred the remaining tenants of the Bill of Rights and unleash upon America a total military dictatorship, complete with secret arrests, secret prisons, unlawful interrogations, indefinite detainment without ever being charged with a crime, the torture of Americans and even the “legitimate assassination” of U.S. citizens right here on American soil!

If you have not yet woken up to the reality of the police state we’ve been warning you about, I hope you realize we are fast running out of time. Once this becomes law, you have no rights whatsoever in America. — no due process, no First Amendment speech rights, no right to remain silent, nothing.

The US senate does not want us to speak. I suspect even now orders are being shouted into telephones and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there?
Cruelty and injustice…intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance, coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Well certainly there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told…if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror.

I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn’t be? War. Terror. Disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you and in your panic, you turned to the now President in command Barack Obama. He promised you order. He promised you peace. And all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent.

More than four hundred years ago, a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness. Justice, and freedom are more than words - they are perspectives. So if you’ve seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you, then I would suggest that you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek…then I ask you to stand beside one another, on November 5th, 2012, outside the gates of every court house of every city DEMANDING our rights!!

Together we stand against the injustice of our own Government.

We are anonymous.
We are Legion.
United as ONE.
Divided by zero.
We do not forgive Censorship.
We do not forget Oppression.
US SENATE…
Expect us!!

IF YOU CARE ABOUT FREEDOM AND THE AMERICAN CONSTITUTION.

THEN LISTEN!

jonsies: alwayschasingsafety: waveitaway: chinkerbelle: inter...

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 00:41:24 -0500

jonsies:

alwayschasingsafety:

waveitaway:

chinkerbelle:

interplanetarylove:

psyct:

Today at Occupy Portland: Protester hit with pepper spray at point blank range.

How can anyone justify this?

What the fucking shit. Yes, like that small girl was going to come whoop your ass (and your sea of friends) through your 300 pounds of unnecessary riot gear. This makes so much sense… Fucking insane.

umm this is so not ok

……………

why does shit like this keep happening? This is not okay in the least.

It’s about time the nation started reclaiming the streets from the occupiers.With unemployment a’s high a’s it is did they really think they were hurting anyone but themselves with their silly little demonstration? They should have been out working whatever jobs they could get, or going to school, instead of cutting class and skipping work to go party in public places for a couple weeks. They’re all out there bitching about no one giving them free handouts, when they’re not even lifting a finger to help themselves… I recently just got a part time job, after months of searching and unemployment, because some jack ass got fired for skipping work to go occupy Boston… Well got news for you buddy, you don’t have a job to come back to- now your life really sucks. Who gives a fuck about the 99%?? I’ll worry about they’re welfare when the 10% unemployed and desperate for work actually get jobs at all- I have no sympathy for these classless trashy morons occupying the streets of our country- good bye and good riddance..

damn she got owned hahaha

Tides are turning in the battle for America’s streets and public parks… Out with the occupiers, and back in with peace… Only in America

“the democrats have adopted our platform…”

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 16:52:57 -0400

“the democrats have adopted our platform…”

army11c: awards mean nothing when not all of your brothers are...

Sun, 28 Aug 2011 23:32:38 -0400

army11c:

awards mean nothing when not all of your brothers are their R.I.P. Mike Parham

alwayschasingsafety: 26th Infantry Division, Yankee Division,...

Sun, 28 Aug 2011 01:36:37 -0400

alwayschasingsafety:

26th Infantry Division, Yankee Division, America’s First

the oldest continuously operating unit in the United States Army, the 26th Infantry Division traces it’s roots to the Massachusetts Militia that fought in the french and Indian wars, the Revolutionary war, and has represented the Massachusetts National Guard in Every one of America’s wars since.

Photo

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 18:49:31 -0400

A Boy Brushed Red, Living in Black and White...: All about dem there 2nd Amendment rights officah!!

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 22:43:06 -0400

A Boy Brushed Red, Living in Black and White...: All about dem there 2nd Amendment rights officah!!:

alwayschasingsafety:

The Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over pick-up truck owner Mike Murray for a weapons check because of an NRA bumper sticker.

When the officer approached the vehicle, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and concealed carry permit.

…

Only In America

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 17:02:06 -0400

Only In America

A Bald Eagle keeps watch over a Veteran’s Cemetery. A...

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 01:39:37 -0400

A Bald Eagle keeps watch over a Veteran’s Cemetery. A living symbol of American Freedom guarding the memory of it’s heroic dead.

Photo

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 01:53:41 -0400

Maybe there is some hope for America after all

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:02:41 -0400

Maybe there is some hope for America after all

Clinton and the Obama Administration push for the passage of the UN Small Arms Treaty

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 00:14:59 -0400

Clinton and the Obama Administration push for the passage of the UN Small Arms Treaty:

This treaty would effectively ban private gun ownership in the United States, and throw your Second Amendment rights out the window, and lead the way for stricter government control over personal ownership of firearms.

today: ‘Sarah Palin signed my forehead’ Politics have...

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 23:28:36 -0400

today:

‘Sarah Palin signed my forehead’

Politics have officially become a popularity contest, and a venue for the measurement of individual celebrity. And that my friends, is what is wrong with America

Photo

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 23:26:00 -0400

Even the Brits used to get it

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 22:48:28 -0400

Even the Brits used to get it